Can I make you a meal?

Food is a language.  We speak it in our family, our community, our culture.  We speak a language of celebration through food at birthday parties, holidays, awards banquets, date nights, graduation dinners, and any number of accomplishments that deserve a "special meal".  We speak a language of community through food in church potluck suppers, fundraiser pancake breakfasts and spaghetti dinners, neighborhood barbeques.  Every culture is loaded with food that speaks a distinctive language of spices, textures, techniques, and flavor profiles.   The tradition of breaking bread together is universal.  It strengthens the bonds of a family, or of a community, of a culture. 

So what happens when food allergies change the way we participate in that food conversation?  Well, a lot happens.  People may feel left out, put out, worn out, and decide to just sit it out.  I'm sure we could share countless stories of family members and friends who just don't understand, church or school functions that become a stressful maze of dangers to be navigated, and traditions that seem impossible to carry on and pass down in a safe way.  The honest truth is that the weight of food allergies is sometimes heavy and burdensome. Sometimes the weight of life events are heavy and burdensome too, or in other cases, happily unwieldy. When that happens, my instinct is to cook.  To nourish and feed the soul through food. 

I don't know about you moms out there, but nearly every "moms group" I have ever belonged to has a well oiled automatic "food brigade" that rolls into action with every birth, death, and major life event in the families of the member moms. "Judy had her baby?  I'll make her a meal!", "Norma's father died?  I'll make a meal for her.", "Susie's husband will be out of town for a month?  I'll bring her a meal while he's gone!"... does any of this feel familiar?  

When we had our twins, so many people  asked if they could cook for us, and truthfully, most of the time I turned them down. It's too hard to know if someone REALLY understands that "just a little", or even just cross-contamination could send us to the ER. Nearly all the women whose offerings I accepted and fed to my family have food allergic children of their own.  Unfortunately, the people who offer and get turned down get their feelings a little hurt, and that's not good either. So what's the answer?  Well, there are a few ways to handle this without hurt feelings, and without isolating yourself and your family in times of "big life stuff". 

First, get prepared for the people who want to help, but don't understand how to safely cook for your family.  Make a list.  Make a list of things that would be helpful that don't include cooking. The list might include things like:
- taking your kids to the park, to give you a break,
- coming over in the evening and folding laundry with you and
  keeping you company,
- ask if they would be willing to go to the grocery store for you,
- in the case of a death in the family - ask a few close friends to
  make phone calls for you,
- in the case of a birth, ask someone to come and hold the baby so
  you can take a shower!
- anything that would ease your burden or make life a little easier.

Then, get prepared for the people who want to help, and that you trust to cook for your family.  Have a file saved on your computer that lists your family's food allergies.  When someone you trust to cook, calls and says "Can I make you a meal?" say YES!, and send them the file as a reminder of the foods that need to be avoided.

Last, but not least, cook for others!  We all build up that network of food allergy families in our lives, so be sure to cook for them when the going gets tough! They are probably saying "no" to countless, well-meaning friends, so be the friend they can say "yes" to!

Here are my tips for making a meal for a food allergy family:

- Ask for a list of foods to avoid.
- Use new containers of ingredients if possible, to avoid the risk of 
  cross-contact.
- Double check the labels on all ingredients you will use.
- Make something freezer-friendly.
- Freeze in a family sized portion, and also in a few individual sized
  portions so a family member can grab a quick hot lunch.  (This is
  especially helpful for new moms, and nursing moms!)
- Use disposable freezer containers so no one has to get a dish back
  to you!
- Write out the list of ingredients (including brands), or the recipe,      and attach it to themeal, so the family knows exactly what's in the    meal.  During times of stress, what you say on the phone or at the    door about the ingredients might not be remembered when it's          time to make dinner.

 As always, from The Allergy Safe Kitchen, I wish you "Good Cooking, and Safe Eating"!

Why "The Allergy Safe Kitchen"?

I love to see my kids invested in, and excited by their cooking! 
This is critical life-training for all food allergic children!

I've been meaning to write this particular post for a while now, but today I read an article that prompted me to sit down and devote some time to explaining why "The Allergy Safe Kitchen". The article was brought to my attention through Robyn O'Brien's "Allergy Kids foundation" FB page. In it, a 19 year old girl describes her life with a peanut allergy and how it has contributed to panic attacks, anxiety, and a battle with an eating disorder.  She equates food with possible death, and feeling empty/hungry with being safe.  She claims her parents didn't make her fresh food because it was too much trouble.  Which means that they also didn't teach her to cook safe food for herself.   She is being sent out into the world without the skills to keep herself safe and healthy. She is afraid of food. Is your heart breaking yet? Mine is. 

One of the reasons I started this blog, was to empower parents of food allergic children to cook - and to teach their children to cook.  Those with food allergies need the kitchen to be a safe place, a place of control, a place of empowerment - not a place of fear and confusion. 

My children walk out the door, and nearly every single place on earth offers a potentially deadly danger from substances that most consider highly nutritious foods.  Peanuts, eggs, dairy...we are told these are all fundamental parts of a balanced diet, thus, most families eat them.  That means every playground, every store, every public place and lots of private residences are places where my children could encounter an allergen.  The chance for accidental contact is high and often times overwhelming.  A good friend of mine is afraid to take her daughter to the grocery store anymore, because she has had such severe reactions from riding in the "kiddie carts" that are often available in supermarkets.  There is an underlying and constant, serious stress that lies in the hearts and minds of our food allergic children and loved ones.  Every social event is cause for them to go on high alert.  And that is why it is not enough for us to have just one safe counter space, one safe spatula, or one area of a pantry that contains safe food.  That is why we have chosen an "Allergy Safe" kitchen for our family.  A kitchen that doesn't contain foods they are highly allergic to;  a safe pantry, a safe fridge, a safe counter, and safe utensils.

"The Allergy Safe Kitchen" allows my children the chance to let go of that underlying stress that will accompany them everywhere they go in their lives.  It gives them a space to exhale, to feel safe, to feel confident in their health.  To borrow a phrase from Dr. Phil - it gives them a "soft place to fall." Our kitchen is a place of learning, of becoming "friends" with food, of feeling welcome, of time with family.  Our whole kitchen is a safe place for EVERY member of our family. An added bonus to having an allergy safe kitchen is that  my non-food allergic children are learning compassion when we explain that we don't have certain foods in the home in order to protect our loved ones.  Eliminating potentially unsafe foods from the home can be rewarding on many levels!

Parents - learn how to cook safe food for your food allergic children, and then teach them how to do it. Turn your kitchen into an allergy safe kitchen that is a safe and welcoming place for EVERY member of your family. If the grocery store is safe for your food allergic children, take them with you and teach them to read labels and become discerning consumers. Kids, teens, young adults, take charge of your health, learn to cook, become informed, and speak up for yourselves at social events and with your friends.

A final note to allergy parents: your children will have plenty of opportunities to navigate the scary world of possible cross contamination - don't let those opportunities be in your home.  Let your home and your kitchen be the places where they can exhale and feel the stress melt away.  A place for peace can be a highly impactful gift to your children.

 As always, from The Allergy Safe Kitchen, I wish you "Good Cooking, and Safe Eating"!